Monday, December 31, 2018

2019, Come At Me Bro

It's the last day of 2018 and I'm enveloped in silence. It's a practice I've included in my self-care regimen this year and one that I crave almost daily. Silence. If I had to describe its taste I would say delicious. This silence won't last, I know. 

My life is filled with noises and sounds that I either get annoyed with or take for granted. I allow myself this small sliver of silent time especially today as I reflect on how 2018 unfolded. 

The End Of The Year Reflection in my Passion Planner always asks one thing: Review your planner for the past year and assess your priorities. Are you happy with how you spent your time? My answer: Damn straight, I'm happy! 

In my end of year blog post last year, Reflections Over Resolutions , I wrote about how I intended to live 2018 with an untethered soul. I committed to "experience the gift of life instead of fighting with it" as Michael Singer writes in his book, The Untethered Soul. That decision opened my life up to better experiences than focusing on meaningless resolutions. 

Experiencing the gift of life meant embracing the unexpected life events that caused stress, worry and anxiety without reacting in fear. I grew up believing that every New Year's Eve you wished or prayed for the new year to be good. I realized I was programmed with the wrong mentality as it didn't prepare me for the bad that inevitably happens in life. I was never taught to face the bad and ultimately deal with it. I realized I resisted the bad things instead of accepting them as a normal part of everyday life. No one ever told me it was okay to have bad things happen. 

In 2018 I was better equipped in handling my emotions when I received bad news such as a loved one attempting suicide and harming themselves. Or when we found out at the beginning of summer that we'd need a new air condition unit which was out of our budget. My old self would've seethed with anger, worried about how we could replace it, or went fearful for not knowing how I'd survive without AC. Instead I accepted and dealt with it by buying a portable AC unit. Thank you, next. 

My new year intention last year was to spend good quality time with the people who mattered to me. I welcomed any interruptions in my schedule if it involved my people. I planned my 50th birthday so that I could travel to Seattle for the first time and finally visit my best friend. I carved out time in my work schedule to attend my good friend's baby's funeral. It was more about being fluid with life and less about adhering to set schedules. 

Setting daily intentions helped me live each day fully present. Sure, some days I failed but I learned to give myself permission to be imperfect. Before I fell asleep I reminded myself to release all thought or actions that no longer served my higher purpose. Doing this provided me a clean canvas to start a new day. 

I finally read Rachel Hollis's book Girl, Wash Your Face and there's a quote of hers that I wrote in my journal: Every day you get to choose the way your world looks. Regardless of how you were raised or what you were taught to believe, you get to decide where your story goes from here. After I read this I gave a mental high-five to Ms. Rachel Hollis. 

That's the thing, I was never taught to access my empowerment. It truly is within my power to choose the way my world looks regardless of my circumstances or the people in my life. I can't say I'm good about making this choice every day but when I notice myself spiraling into the dark abyss of my negative thoughts I can catch myself before I've fallen in too deep. 

I journaled every day with Marianne Williamson's daily devotional, A Year In Miracles which helped in centering myself and setting the tone for the day. I'm excited for 2019 as I recently bought Rachel Hollis's Start Today Journal  to help jumpstart my new year. 

I'll close my last blog post of 2018 with another Rachel Hollis quote: 

Every year you close a new chapter in your story. Please, please, please don't write the same one seventy-five times and call it a life. 

May we all write a brand-new chapter in our stories this new year. Peace out, 2018. I'm ready for you, 2019. Come at me, bro!