Wednesday, June 13, 2012

NO CREDIT GRANDMA

Peek-a-boo Rylee
Last night I was driving home from our park/library/McDs excursion and I began freaking out because I couldn't find my phone. While I drove with one hand I made blind, frantic attempts at swiping inside my purse with the other, hoping to feel its shape. I didn't realize I was speaking out loud and the hysteria in my voice must have alerted my four-year-old granddaughter. From the back seat the soft guru-like voice gave soothing suggestions to "Calm down Gramma Nette. Take a deep breath and don't freak out. Just callllmmmmm down. When you lose something just calllmmm down and take a deep breath." 

I was so stoked! Those were MY exact words to her when she recently threw a fit after losing her toy. I felt validated as a grandma and pride swelled in my head...err, I mean heart.

"Wow Rylee, that's some sage advice you got there! Who told you to do that because that is good advice and whoever told you must be REALLY smart!" 

And this is where she killed me. 


"Mmmmm...it was school!" ----PAUSE!!!!!! I tried to jolt her memory by raising my voice and insisting that it was NOT school! And after she mulled it over a few seconds she triumphantly declared, "No, it was Mommy! Mommy always says those things!

Because I'm so mature I hit the steering wheel with my fist like an ominous judge sentencing Lindsay Lohan. To my horror I heard myself WHINE! If I were standing I would have stomped my foot and flailed my arms in the air.

"No it wasn't! It was NOT mommy! I know for a fact your mommy wouldn't say that! It was me! Your grandma! I told you to do that!!! I gave you that advice!!!!!!

And from the back seat this soft guru-like voice calmly told me that I didn't make sense! I repeat, that little four-year-old grandchild of mine said I! DID! NOT! MAKE! SENSE! To thrust the knife that she stabbed me in the back with deeper she also added, "And because you don't make sense, you don't get any dollars by saying that. NO dollars." 

Moral of the story? Do NOT depend on a four-year-old to provide accurate information and have razor sharp memory. Oh, and don't place your ego in the hands of a four-year-old. It will be crushed like an errant cockroach. 

(BTW, my iPhone was in my purse the entire time.