Saturday, January 14, 2012


Whenever I'm experiencing major life changing events my first inclination is to retreat. I enclose myself in an invisible shield and keep everyone at arm's length. I spent the majority of last year in a fetal position; not awaiting birth but to protect myself from the harsh elements of reality. Our family lost a loved one, my finances were a mess, my dad's health was deteriorating and thought we were going to lose him, my parents dependence on me was overwhelming, and my aunt had a massive a stroke a week before Christmas. My withdrawal manifested negativity, bitterness, anger, and resentment. I was ugly. I'm surprised I still have a family who loves me and a boyfriend who persevered in a relationship with a woman who spewed hatred as often as a pastor preaches loving thy neighbor. 

My 2012 resolutions didn't include hitting the gym on January 1st. Forget about my physical appearance, my inner character required a major overhaul. We are 14 days into the new year and my resolve to focus on blessings has not wavered. The practice of being grateful has opened my heart to endless possibilities of joy that come in many forms. 

This week's scavenger hunt for blessings uncovered the following treasures: 

  • The rich beauty of winter foliage. I can be so engrossed in my busyness that the sun will rise and set without my noticing the simple beauty around me. How grateful I am for the undisputed glory of nature's colors. 

  • This week I have been incredibly blessed by my girlfriends. Again, I'm surprised I still have them considering I withdrew from everyone last year. I should devote an entire blog entry to  all of them but for now I am so grateful for Christi and Nary who introduced me to antique stores and nutty monkey bagels (haha); for Lina who is always so incredibly understanding of the unpredictability of my life and is patient with my rescheduling. Thank you, Lina Bean, for dinner and the "awkward" moments. "You wh*re!" (HAHA!) And my biggest shout-out this week goes to the pretty-kick-a$$-earthly-prayer-granting-angel, Courtney, who surprised me with a gift certificate for a massage. I have been secretly praying for a massage so her gift is priceless. You ladies make me strive to be the best kind of friend to be!

  • No matter how many ways I spin it in my head or justify the reasons why I'm living with my parents in my 40s, it is still embarrassing and shameful. Last year I railed constantly at the injustice of not being able to afford my own place. Nonetheless, I've learned to be grateful for my parents and precious moments like these when I wake up to my granddaughter snuggled next to me in my bed. 

  • Every Wednesday my son and I attend bible study at Cottonwood Church and it is a soothing balm to my soul. It's like pressing the reset button on my week, recharging my weary bones, and bringing life back in them. I am grateful to have the chance to spend quality time with my son and worship my Creator in the middle of my crazy week. 

  • Having been diagnosed with hypertension three days before the new year would have put me in a depressed state. But being depressed wouldn't be in alignment with my 2012 resolutions. Changing my diet has been difficult but not impossible. I am thankful for my son who is an assistant manager at Subway and who made me this egg white and tomato sandwich for my Friday morning commute to work. 

May your week be filled with abundant blessings and I hope you slow your footsteps long enough to notice the beautiful world around you!