Saturday, December 31, 2011

OUT WITH THE OLD


My neurotic self seems to fully activate at the end of the year when I frantically ensure that nothing from the current year rolls over into the new one. For example, I spent most of last night editing photos from my December portrait sessions and cramming them onto my photography blog. I HAD to get them posted before 2012. This morning I got the haircut I sorely needed after three months of growth. I've always cut my "old" hair before the new year. 

But after pausing in my neurotic whirlwind of busyness I remembered to inhale then exhale. The practice of breathing is something I need to incorporate in 2012 since I tend to hold my breath when I'm stressed, agitated, frustrated, depressed, anxious, and tense. For most of 2011 I was all of the above and more. My lack of oxygen perpetuated my unremitting striving, longing, and restlessness always looking for more of what life offered. When I took the photo above it resonated so loudly within me because I related to that woman. I felt the constraints around her and the yearning in her body language spoke to my own. The yearning for whatever it is I sense that there has to be more than what this world can give me. I've felt like a caged bird with clipped wings having no freedom to be herself. Because of my restlessness I turned bitter and sour speaking words of negativity on every aspect of my life. But that was the old me. In less than two hours the world will herald the arrival of the new year and I will discard the muted version of myself that permeated 2011. 

In 2012, I will cease in "functioning in my dysfunction" and "I will believe that my time is yet to come and the Creator of the universe is lining things up in my favor: the right people, the right breaks, the right opportunities. (Thanks Joel Osteen for that valuable nugget.) I will choose faith over fear and stop seeking, striving, longing, and yearning when I know HE has my back. Instead of sour patch candy type words pursing my lips I will boldly speak faith-filled and positive words over every facet of my life. I will simply trust in God's plan for me. 

Out with the old and in with the new. Happy New Year to all of you! May we all OWN 2012!