Thursday, December 29, 2011

Focus On Blessings

Last week I exchanged e-mails with my good friend and lamented on my mental and emotional state. "Bean! How could I love God so much and be so unhappy and miserable!?" That night I went to bible study and knew I was done for when the pastor said, "Tonight we are going to talk about how to be happy." It was then that I realized I've been focusing on what I DON'T have, what I can't afford, the gifts I can't buy for my family, how my aunt had a massive stroke and our annual family Christmas party was canceled, how utterly despondent I am at my job, how lame it is that I'm still living with my parents, and my woe-is-me list goes on. 

Why is it so difficult for me to be positive and acknowledge my blessings? Why does it have to take a monumental effort on my part to wake up every morning and be grateful for: 

  • the fact that my dad is still alive when we were so sure he wasn't going to make it this Christmas. 
  • my parents' house that is providing a roof over my head. 
  • my aunt's progress and recovery despite the massive stroke she had. 
  • my kids' and grandchild's health.
  • Ray, who seriously needs an award for having the courage to do life with ME.
  • a job that's paying my bills.
On Christmas eve I looked around at my family and was simply grateful for their presence. With my brother, his wife and 5 kids, my sister, my kids, Rylee, Ray, and John it was a full house replete with joyful noise. We had a tough year but we are resilient. Although times were difficult there were many golden moments in our lives and I NEED TO FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS on them. It really isn't about the amount of presents that surround the Christmas tree but the love of family that surrounds US. And I am grateful for the crazy people I call "family".