Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Scattered Resolutions

After two weeks of car trouble drama, my dad's stint in the hospital, and everything else in between, Christmas did a drive-by this year. Before I could comprehend its existence I was left reeling in the wake of trailing dust redolent of reindeers' hooves and swaths of shredded Christmas wrap at my feet. For the first time in three weeks and a few nights before the birth of a new year I finally had my solitude. Tonight was MY night. The night I greedily and lustily coveted with unabashed fervor. 

I read, I wrote, I envisioned, I rested, I relaxed, I cried, I sighed, I dreamed, I hoped, I prayed, I planned, I created, I sang, I danced, I laughed, I enjoyed. It became a free-for-all where I was the solo partaker. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and I know not what it brings. I had one night to create tangible 2011 resolutions and instead of writing them, I visually created my new year. Ironically, my laptop was untouched and my phone turned off. The picture above portrays the spoils of my scattered resolutions and I hope the winds of the new year will blow them into the right place at the right time. 

Monday, December 6, 2010

For Maricelle, A Birthday Benediction

Life is a great miracle and you are the embodiment of that. When I learned I was pregnant with you I was ignorant of my immaturity and arrested development. I was only 19-years-old and the only thing I was sure of was making the decision to bear the consequences of having you. Despite the severe opposition I faced I knew I could not terminate the living being I did not know at the time. Twenty-three years later I have no misgivings about having the courage to go against the grain because knowing you has made me become a better person. 

Through my children I have gained a treasure of inestimable wisdom. You continue to teach me the gift of forgiveness. I marvel at your ability to forgive those who have wronged you and let go of the transgressions that I love to hoard. Unlike me, you are not poisoned by the toxic waste of unforgiveness and bitterness. I admire how you don't hold people liable for a wrongdoing when I force others to pay for mistakes they've made. One day I hope to be like you in this area of struggle in my life but I thank you for forgiving me of my own infractions. 

The fearlessness you exhibited as a toddler has spilled over into your adult life and I salute you for retaining it. You shun conventionality without excuses, make choices that others don't approve of, and don't allow others to project their issues on you. Bravo! Safe choices are always good but taking risks will widen your tunnel vision. Stay true to yourself and your journey will always be fraught with adventure. 

Remember to find time for yourself and protect it like a mama bear with her cub. Your pockets of solitude with God will rejuvenate, recharge, and replenish you like no human being or substance can. Your vibrant energy will always draw people to you but be vigilant of those whose negativity and weakness consume them. They will be your kryptonite. You can only help them as much as they want to help themselves. 

It goes without saying that perfectionism is a curse. Keep in mind that it is okay to fail as long as you pick your arse up and learn to do it better next time. You have a knack for accepting the limitations of others so please do the same for yourself. My three kids have taught me to love people through their mess instead of condemning them with judgment. 

Your caring heart has healed and brightened the lives of many including myself. I am proud of you for looking beyond your world and extending your love toward the suffering and needy. Wherever your dreams and goals take you, my prayers will sustain you through the highest and lowest valleys.  

On your twenty-third birthday I bring you a bouquet of wisdom and blessings fragrant with a mother's love. May you continue to thrive and flourish where you are planted. Thank you for making my life richer and fuller with who you are and the woman you're becoming. God knew what he was doing when he created you to be my daughter. 

I love you Maricelle, happy birthday! 
Love, Mommy

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