Saturday, August 30, 2008

My New Blog

I was a stupid, hasty, and impatient girl this morning deleting my old email that contained my married last name, as if one click on the delete button would quickly make me whole and my failed marriage would be lost in an amnesiac haze. For the first time this week I began to feel like a human being again and was overzealous in my quest to move forward. When I deleted my old email I also obliterated all access to my blog! DUH! HELLO? There it will forever sit in cyberville occupying space and floating on the lines of communication.

I won’t lie and say I brushed off my Internet faux pas with grace. Oh no, I FREAKED out! With wringing hands and high-pitched whining I lamented to Heidi and Lina about my complete lameness. With much aplomb they both tried to reassure and encourage me but Blogger told me a different story. I was pretty much A$$ED out!

So here I am with my new blog on the cusp of my new life as a singleton. I am beginning to feel hope, not for another relationship but for the dawn of a new creation: me. It is time to look long and hard in the mirror and face the demons that brought me to the crossroads I’m standing in. I can’t ward them off with alcohol, drugs, partying, and sex like I used to years ago; nor can I protect them with bitterness, anger, and cynicism. Grace is the only arsenal I need to destroy my demons forever.

One day I hope to look in the mirror and see me standing there knowing I am worth much more than accommodating men in my life who don’t value my heart or have the courage to be my partner. The woman gazing back at me with eyes bright with wisdom will smile, lift her head with confidence and laugh victoriously.