Saturday, August 30, 2008

About Me

Enough “about me”, this is what I am not:

  • I don’t settle for mediocrity or crave the mundane. I fear stagnation.
  • I am not graceful, chic, or sophisticated no matter how hard I try. I spill, trip, and fall on the daily.
  • I don’t believe that being a young grandmother absolves me from any responsibility. I must leave a legacy that will pass through the generations.
  • I never believed in destiny and serendipity until Ray spun his music into my life.
  • I don’t allow people, especially men, define my femininity and sexuality. Running takes care of that.
  • I don’t cringe at solo jaunts to unknown destinations, movie theaters, or restaurants. My solo adventures become a musical. Everything becomes a prop and people are my back-up dancers.
  • I do not fear death. I’ve created my own special playlist for when the time comes. No “Over The Rainbow” for my funeral! #1 on the list: Madonna’s “Like It Or Not”.
  • I don’t believe that my passion for photography is just a hobby. My photographs are the symphony to my heart.
  • I don’t believe that obstacles in life are unnecessary or irrelevant. Overcoming them manifests courage.
  • I don’t fear challenges; I face them head-on with my best “mean-muggin’” look.
  • I don’t like reality shows of any kind; watching them is a waste of precious brain cells.
  • I don’t believe that a life should be lived without a purpose. Find a cause and fight for it.
  • I don’t love Jesus because I’m holy; my deviant self cannot last a normal day without Him.
  • I don’t believe in waiting for something to happen. I make them happen.
  • I don’t believe in the quantity of friends but the quality in them that improves who you are.
  • I don’t think we should become so comfortable in our zone that we are blind to those in need.
  • I don’t exhibit enough patience and love.
  • I don’t take myself too seriously, in fact, I laugh at myself often.
  • I don’t know what I would do without books to feed my insatiable appetite for reading.
  • I don’t like sleeping. It cramps my style.
  • I don’t spend enough devotional time with my Creator.
  • I don’t like depriving myself of anything beautiful.
  • I don’t like that my knees prevent me from running a full marathon.
  • I don’t believe that a day goes by without an adventure, big or small. You have to look for them.
  • I don’t believe that growing older means you stop dancing, stop moving, stop grinding (gasp, did I say that?), stop dreaming, and stop hoping.

My New Blog

I was a stupid, hasty, and impatient girl this morning deleting my old email that contained my married last name, as if one click on the delete button would quickly make me whole and my failed marriage would be lost in an amnesiac haze. For the first time this week I began to feel like a human being again and was overzealous in my quest to move forward. When I deleted my old email I also obliterated all access to my blog! DUH! HELLO? There it will forever sit in cyberville occupying space and floating on the lines of communication.

I won’t lie and say I brushed off my Internet faux pas with grace. Oh no, I FREAKED out! With wringing hands and high-pitched whining I lamented to Heidi and Lina about my complete lameness. With much aplomb they both tried to reassure and encourage me but Blogger told me a different story. I was pretty much A$$ED out!

So here I am with my new blog on the cusp of my new life as a singleton. I am beginning to feel hope, not for another relationship but for the dawn of a new creation: me. It is time to look long and hard in the mirror and face the demons that brought me to the crossroads I’m standing in. I can’t ward them off with alcohol, drugs, partying, and sex like I used to years ago; nor can I protect them with bitterness, anger, and cynicism. Grace is the only arsenal I need to destroy my demons forever.

One day I hope to look in the mirror and see me standing there knowing I am worth much more than accommodating men in my life who don’t value my heart or have the courage to be my partner. The woman gazing back at me with eyes bright with wisdom will smile, lift her head with confidence and laugh victoriously.